With a Drug Problem

HELPING A FRIEND WITH A DRUG PROBLEM

You guys used to chill all the time. Now your friend is found in dingy alleys. Watching a friend spiral downward into the pit of drug addiction is not a pretty sight. Attacking the friend or calling her a worthless drug addict is not going to help, but getting her to admit she has a problem will. You can tell your friend they have a problem with drugs by showing honesty, openness and a willingness to help.

Discussing a friend's drug or alcohol use isn't an easy thing to do. People with drug problems usually defend their use or make excuses. It can be hard for people to admit to themselves that they have a problem.

Has a friend become moody, short-tempered, and hostile? Does s/he seem "spaced out"? Is she suddenly failing courses and hanging out with kids you don't trust? Stop and think about it. Your friend may have an alcohol or other drug problem.

What You'll Need: Gentle yet firm approach Honesty Love

My Friend Has a Problem
Maybe your friend has been letting you down because s/he's using drugs. Or maybe some of the things she does when he is drunk or high are just scary. Whatever it is, the important thing is that you've noticed that your friend might be heading for trouble.
You can help your friend now — before something really bad happens. Your friend will probably insist that his or her drinking or drug use is not a big deal. This is very common among people with drug or alcohol problems. Don't let your friend's denial keep you from talking with him. If s/he continues using, s/he could face serious consequences like getting caught or arrested, losing his drivers' license, getting suspended, or more severely, getting involved in a drug or alcohol-related car crash or becoming dependant.

Should I Help?
Many of us are afraid to discuss serious issues with our friends because we fear being rejected. It is not easy to tell a friend or loved one that they have a problem.
However, what are the alternatives? If you don't discuss a friend's drug or drinking problem with them now, the friendship might change forever.
No one ever thinks that trying or casually using drugs is going to lead to a life-threatening addiction. That's the reason why substance abuse is so complex…no one thinks they're going to be the one with the problem. Yet, millions of people suffer and die from drug addiction every year.

Getting Past the Fear
It is a critical time for action once you suspect — or know — that your friend has a drug or alcohol problem. This can be a difficult situation to deal with, and sometimes the situation gets worse before it gets better. The most important thing is for you to take action on your friend's behalf the first time that you suspect a problem. Don't make excuses. You can play an important role in your friend's future.

Do you hear yourself saying things like:
"If I talk to my friend about his drug problem, he won't like or trust me anymore." - If you aren't going to discuss the problem with your friend, the chances are that no one will. Friendship is all about doing whatever is best for the other person. While it might feel difficult now, think about what may happen down the road if you don't address the issue when you first recognize it.

"I won't talk to my friend now because this is his first time using or he only uses or drinks once in a while." — If you don't let your friend know where you stand on drugs and alcohol, you might be enabling them or subconsciously telling them that you don't think it's a problem. You could be the most influential person in your friend or sibling's life. Your words matter. The chances are that your friend will see that you are speaking up out of care and concern, not to be judgmental or critical.

Privacy. No one likes their dirty laundry exposed. Discuss important issues in a private place where no one is likely to overhear the details of your conversation.

Positive Messages. Always remember to include some type of positive message before or after expressing an opinion that a friend might perceive as "critical." This will help to remind them that you are expressing yourself out of care and concern. For example, "You are my best friend and one of my favorite people on the planet. But I feel like your drug use is changing the person I know and love." If you're not the type that can express these types of feelings easily, think about sending an e-card or writing an old-fashioned handwritten note.

Research. Read up on whatever topic you might be discussing with a friend or sibling in need. A little research and specific examples go a long way in discussing tough issues.

Solutions. No one likes it when a person points out a problem but doesn't offer a solution. Even if a solution isn't clear, you can still recommend that your friend talk to a caring adult or health professional. The point you will have made is that you've come to the table with suggestions and ideas for how to improve the situation.

How Will My Friend React?
If a friend drinks alcohol, smokes marijuana, or uses other drugs, there is no way to predict how s/he will act, or what will happen when they are drunk or high. All drugs, including marijuana, can be harmful and addictive. There is no way to know how many drug experiences it takes to become addicted. But drug and alcohol use can lead to abuse, and continued abuse can lead to addiction.

Common sense tells us that helping a friend address a drug or alcohol problem early can help keep it from getting out of control and doing serious harm. This is why it is important to step up and talk with your friend sooner rather than later — you never know what could happen if he or she continues to drink or do drugs —but it can't be good.

The Power of Friendship
Did you know that 68 percent of teens said they would turn to a friend or brother/sister about a serious problem related to substance abuse? This means that when you talk, your friends will listen — even if you've tried drugs or alcohol yourself. Don't underestimate your own power to influence your friend and explain to him how you see his drug use getting out of hand. Sure, it may have been his choice to start using drugs in the first place, and you may be scared that your friend or sibling will get mad at you and tell you that his choices are none of your business. But if you really think your friend needs help, you have a responsibility to him or her — and your friendship — to step up and say something. By not talking with your friend about your concerns, you are only sending him the silent message that his drug or alcohol use is no big deal.

What are the signs of abuse I should be looking for?

• Increased interest in alcohol or other drugs; talking about them, talking about buying them, or increased interest in them
• Owning drug paraphernalia, such as pipes, hypodermic needles, or rolling papers.
• Having large amounts of cash or always being low on cash.
• Drastic increase or decrease in weight.
• Slurred or incoherent speech, or "off the wall" subject matters.
• Withdrawal from others, frequent lying, depression, or paranoia.
• Dropping out of school activities.

If your friend acts this way, it is not a guarantee that he or she has an alcohol or other drug problem. You need to compare behavior now to behavior in the past. But it's better to say something and be wrong than to say nothing and find out later that you were right to be worried. You may be worried that your friend will be mad at you – but if you really think that he or she needs help, you need to say something.

Here are a few things to keep in mind if you have to have that talk with your friend.

• Be safe. Never confront your friend when s/he is drunk or high. And you should talk to your friend in a place that you feel safe. If your friend becomes angry or violent, leave and bring up the subject later when he/she is calm.
• It's not your fault. Remember that your friend's use is not your fault and you should never blame yourself.
• The Tone. Remember, how you say something is as important as what to say.A supportive, caring tone usually works best. Be assertive, not aggressive.
• Be Discreet. No one likes to be called out in front of others. Wait until the right time and place to have this talk. It's best not to start the conversation if they're high, angry or upset. And afterwards, keep the details of your conversation private.
• Plan What to Say. You may want to reference some specifics like if your friend skips class, takes stupid risks or is frequently hungover. Tell him or her that you're concerned and that's why you want to talk. If you are nervous about talking with him, ask another friend who knows the situation if you can practice with him or her, to help work out ahead of time what you are going to say. You may want to have a hotline number or some facts on hand. That way, your friend can call for confidential help or check out the facts. (See “What do I Actually Say” file under My Friend tab)
• Balance. Your friend may think you're just being "critical," so try to give examples of how you feel when you see him or her use drugs. For example, “You are my best friend. But I feel like you're a different person when you're high and that's really disappointing.” Or you can write an email or note if you feel uncomfortable talking face-to-face.
• Listen. After you finish talking, ask your friend what he or she thinks – and listen. It's critical that you hear what your friend's saying so you can offer to help. But you shouldn't feel like you have to personally solve your friend's problem – there are counselors who can help at times like this.
• Keep At It. Talking to your friend about drugs may be a continuous process – not a one-time event – so you may want to check in with him or her from time to time. You may want to recommend that your friend talk to a counselor – and have a hotline number ready.

What if my friend doesn't stop using?
Helping a friend with a drug problem can be stressful and difficult. You may feel a lot of pressure to get your friend to stop, or you may get totally discouraged if your friend doesn’t listen to you. But remember, your friend’s drug or alcohol use is not your fault. It's up to him or her to stop using. Remember to never put yourself in a dangerous situation while trying to help and don’t get yourself in trouble. If you think that your friend is in immediate danger, such as having suicidal thoughts, driving while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or if s/he passes out or becomes unresponsive from taking something (overdoses), you should definitely call 911 and also talk with a trusted adult or call a help hotline.

A Five Step Approach

• Step 1 : Have a down and deep talk with your friend, telling her you noticed a change in her behavior. Tell her that she is not the same easy-going friendl you used to know. Is there anything she wants to talk about?

• Step 2 : Come armed with facts. Tell her those changes in behavior include weight loss, depression, waking up in weird places, getting beat up and arrested. Mention she also has a weird look on her face that reminds you of those zombie drug addicts you used to see in the vacant lots on the East Side.Tell her those people end up dead in the weeds.

• Step 3 : Get her to open her eyes. Ask her to list 10 things that are important to her, 10 activities she enjoys and 10 of her most pertinent values. Those with drug problems will have a hard time with this task.

• Step 4 : Give your friend a challenge. Tell her if she’s not having a problem with drugs, she’ll be able to stop for a month, a week or even a day. Can she?

• Step 5 : Offer to help in any way possible. This includes finding a phone number for a support group, offering to go with her to a meeting and even taking her to a rehab center if she’s willing.

Tips & Warnings

• Give her hope. If she admits to a problem, tell her it’s not the end of the world, but if she continues to use it can be.
• Expect denial.
• Expect anger

 

YOUR SILENCE ON THIS ISSUE TO YOUR FRIEND MAY BE INTERPRETED AS APPROVAL, OR NOT CARING, OR YOU ARE TOO DUMB TO SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING. DON’T BE THAT KIND OF FRIEND. IN FACT, IF THAT IS WHAT SHE SEES IN YOU, YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY A FRIEND –

YOU ARE AN ACQUAINTANCE.